It sounds like you want this relationship to work, and it's great that you have such motivation. I wonder if you want it to work for the wrong reasons, though--mainly, because you feel you can't function without your husband.

Marriage is not supposed to be two halves equalling a whole. Each person needs to be whole for the marriage to work. Your husband is at least willing to be honest about his feelings--that's a start. He says he doesn't have affection for you. Well, affection wears out in a marriage if you don't work together to create it. Your attempts to communicate are a good start.

I do not advise cutting your husband off emotionally--I've tried it myself, and trust me, it doesn't help the relationship get better. You both grow even farther apart. You could try the opposite--I've read it a thousand places, so it must work sometimes--if you try to be extra nice and loving to your husband for three days and try to praise him when he does something nice and not criticise him (this is a hard one for me), just see how he reacts. It's hard not to feel affection toward someone who is always affectionate in their actions toward you--that's the theory.

I do agree that you need to find you. You said you feel undereducated--try to take a college class to feel better about yourself. If you can't do that, become self-educated--read. You can't change your husband, but you can change you and be better for your kids. (I say this because my daughter is my biggest motivation to act healthier.)

Let us know how it's going!