Hi michelle,

I'm so sorry to hear of your partner's breakdown yesterday. I've been in your situation many times before and it's so uncomfortable isn't it? It does hurt to hear them say those very negative things about themselves when we see wonderful things about them.

In my situation, what I understand to be happening is that something triggered my friend and brought them back to the time when they were taught all that negativity. In my friends case, it was drilled into her daily from a very young age on.

These are the times what I call being caught up in their own tornado. After riding that tornado with my friend for some time, I realized that it wasn't fair to her or myself to be doing that with her. It's not our tornado to ride. The tornado gains momentum when she pulls in every little thing and it becomes a large scale massive mess. I finally had to tell my friend that I could not and would not ride that tornado with her anymore. I stated all the positive things in her life in the "here and now". I reminded her how much I cared and that I wasn't going anywhere. I also told her that I would do my best to let her know when I saw that tornado start brewing so that she could work on putting a stopper into it and at best, help calm it down to a more manageable situation.

It took my friend awhile but not too too long to the point where she began to realize on her own when a tornado was building and she does a much better job at stopping or at the very least controlling it and not trying to get me sucked into it anymore. After one has happened and there is relative calmness again, it's a good thing to sit and discuss together what happened and point out some things to her that she may not be aware of when she's in that tornado.

Well, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. I do understand. I hope today is a better day for you both!

Take care hon.