I'm terrified of dealing with medical insurance. I've had so many problems with it in the past. Yesterday, I got my first EOB for my new therapist and I'm paying over twice what I expected.

If that is the right amount, I have to quit therapy immediately. I felt so powerless and hopeless. I kept thinking that no one would be able to help me now, and I reacted very badly--sobbing harder than I have in years and thinking bad thoughts. My emotions get very wild sometimes.

But as I was in the blackness last night, I was able to come up with alternatives: I can go to a couple of free sessions at school, I can get extra loans at school next year, I can go to PC, I can read books to help me through next year. Part of my brain was determined not to give in.

This morning I actually called the insurance company and the biller at my T's office. It went really well. They listened to me. They think I shouldn't be charged so much and are looking into it. I will try to be okay with this, even if I don't get the result I'm hoping for.

I'm so glad that I faced the problem. I'm so glad that at least part of my brain will keep trying to take care of me when my emotions take over. I'm so proud that I accomplished something concrete. I really, really want to get better. I hope I can remember this when I feel like I'm getting nowhere!