Thanks...just freaking out a litte..we've done this dance so many times before I'm always the one saying "I'm not happy" and then I'm always the one saying "OK lets give this one more shot" but then I feel bad because I know I'm not doing it because I really believe that giving it another shot is going to work, although of course I 've always hoped for some kind of miracle like that, but no deep down I guess I've known that I've done it because I'm afraid of being alone and because I feel like maybe I was just asking for a fairy tale relationship that doesn't exist and that I was being selfish in that to the detriment of my son...so many internal struggles...keep thinking of that Sheryl Crowe line "If it makes you happy it can't be that bad, if it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad." Anyway I know the relationship that I am looking for is not only "one of fairy tales" now and I have to believe that if I am happy then I will be better equipped to make my son happy and yes I am still afraid of being alone (and the feelings of lonliness mostly) but that is something I will just have to overcome I guess. Missing my friend really bad...I know it will not be a good thing to rush into another relationship but all I want in the world right now is to be with him...he makes me feel like a princess, like anything is possible...he's just so damn right for me in so many ways that my husband is not...I can't even explain it except that he is so open with his emotions, he is constantly saying exactly what I'm thinking almost exactly as I would say it...we just think the same way. And then I feel guilty...like I have no right to these feelings...after all I'm still married...it's like it's so right for us to connect but the timing is so wrong. How can I not contact him when this is over when I know he feels the same way...how often does one meet someone that touches them on every level...heart, soul, mind and body? How do you ignore that? Why should I deny myself what I have been searching for? I don't want to confuse/hurt my son further either though...if we take it verrryy slowly is that the solution? I'm so impatient...see I overwhelm myself with every detail of the problem until it just breaks me down...I need to just take this one step at a time I guess.