i wonder if its safe to say that i absolutely adore my therapist! i was reluctant (fear of a scolding or rejection) to tell him today that i came to this site. i thought he wouldnt think it was a good idea because i have a tendancy to be withdrawn and closed off to people. i dont go out with friends and i dont date havent in years. i truly believe i lack socialization skills.

anyway he was actually proud of me for taking a step outside my own bounderies i set for myself. he felt i was making progress with coming to terms with who "i" am and the parts that dwell inside me. he thought it was a good idea that i interact with others who struggle with some of the same issues as i do.

soooooo i guess i made a step in the right direction according to him. im always doubting myself and any decision i make because to be honest a majority of the time i cant trust my own judgment. i will sabotage myself if i can no matter the situation. always second guessing with good reason.

i told him that people here were supportive and i felt safe in a way. i gave him the web address and he thought it was a good idea also that i started a blog since i am an avid writer (nothing of importance) of poetry and try to journal my thoughts and feelings when i can come to terms and face them.

so i wonder is it safe to say i adore my therapist. not in an attraction type of way. i have never in all the years (on and off i might add) he has been working with me "us" have i thought of him in any other way. its just that at times he shocks me at how understanding and supportive he is. i do believe he honestly has my best interest at heart.

he doesnt get paid by me at all for what he is doing - i couldnt afford to keep going to him after i had to stop working. he pushed hard for me to get my disability and because of him i was approved within a month. he also went to court with me to get/establish a restraining order against my father after he got out of prison. because of my insurance i was supposed to go see a different therapist but he said he would just take what one of my insurances would pay him and for me to forget the rest.

i dont know if i will ever be able to repay this man for what he has done and continues to do for my mental health. i try not to call him but he knows i have a hard time and he calls me at least once a week between sessions and im able to email him as often as i need to and he wants me to email anything i write because it helps him better understand what is going on inside my head. i hope the respect and admiration i have for him isnt perceived as crossing any lines or bounderies - i wouldnt let that happen and im positive he wouldnt either. i guess ive just never had one single person in my life actually be in my corner and not have any ulterior motives