Welcome to Psych Central, Agent!

I agree wholeheartedly with the above posters. I have been Bipolar for 40 years and in that time I've only had approximately 5 or 6 episodes like that place you're in right now. I'm currently on short-term-disability due to a major episode resulting from a number of triggers. My pdoc is making adjustments to my meds and sometimes that can take awhile to find the right med, in the right dosage as everyone reacts differently to medication.

My last major episode was 10 years ago, with minor depressive days lasting less than a week.

So, the good news is that this isn't all there is. I've thought that during bad times, but I have always come out of it. And you can too!