I am a bdsm masochist. I long to go rl and be hurt again. I know it can be dangerous...because what I want is not healthy and it's like an addiction that controls my life... I don't want to live without it, and yet I don't want to have it in my life anymore. It kills me slowly.... If it's not this...it's something else... like longing to get drunk... to go out and just find some excitement... ..... not sure about this.