Hi all,

it has been quite some time since I have been here.. I come back when feeling bad and then the truth of whats going on is too much for me to bare...so I run away.

Ok, so this time, I don't want to run away.

My situation is crap at the moment which is triggering me in everyway. One minute I am bouncing, the next minute I am laying on the sofa curled up with a blanket not wanting to speak to anyone and basically feeling like a lump of crap. I guess I don't have to go into detail... you all know what I am talking about.

Anyway, whats brought this on is the fact that my brother is staying with me. His girlfriend left him and took their kids with them. He has been here for the last month and basically, he is draining me. I suspect he also has bipolar...i am no doctor but have lived with it for most of my life so recognise the signs. He has nothing, I mean literally, all he has are the clothes on his back. Any money he gets from benefits, he spunks on loosed women, drugs and alcohol. I have told him he need to sort out some clothing and look to finding a place of his own but he just isnt listening. he makes out like he is listening but he really isnt and its driving me crazy. He knows exactly how to work me and is at any point he can. I had a big talk with him today about responsibility and he looks like he is listening but I know full well he isnt going to take any notice at all. On top of that, its putting a strain on my marriage. My husband doesnt like my brother...he calls him a wrongen and actually come to think of it...he is. You cant trust him, you cant rely on him to do the right thing. He only cares about what he wants and does whatever he can to get what he wants. He has 3 kids and doesnt seem bothered he isnt seeing them. I have to do everything for him, tell him when to wake up, tell him to have a shower.... I have to prompt him to do everything. I am moving to the south coast around august september time and I worry he wont have his life sorted by then and by that, I mean a place of his own, clothes and basic hygiene. He is a chancer and I am giving him everything that he wants. I cant turf him out...what am I supposed to do? He is like a child and has no idea what it is to live a semi normal life. I dont have the emotuonal energy to deal with him so give in all the time. Like I said, the whole situation has triggered me and I am rapid cycling. On top of that my new CPN wont return my calls to make an appointment.

So with all this going on, I am not on any level stable. So I start dreamiong of my old T that I had an affair with. The past while I have been getting on, and I was thinking of him less and less... I even had days where he didnt enter my head. Considering I would think of him all day and all night, go to sleep thinking of him and then again in the morning he was the first thing I thought about. I now have a serious urge to contact him and be held by him I just dont know where to turn