this is the first time that i can bring this here and address it and ask what you all think...you've probably read about Dale here before. we've been friends since we first worked together in a teen shelter. we've been very, very close. similiar interests, love of all animals, social work, crazy, meth addicts in our families, etc.

about 2-1/2 years ago, i suggested that he decorate his house. it looked like a rabbit warren. i didn't tell him that. just helped him pick out some Martha Stewart colors and painted and changed curtains, pillow shams, quilts, tables, cabinet colors, etc. along the way, i gave him several treasured items of mine because i wanted to do it. his excitement over the change in his house was so empowering for him and he really started coming out and getting less shy. people were complimenting him, etc. the things that i gave him, i didn't want to keep any longer. i knew he would use them and i wanted him to have the antiques and such. he has his parent's old bedroom suite and we sorta decorated around that. i had quilts, linens, etc. that complimented the room. a quail print and a fishing lure...you get the pic. country/lodge/homey/warm.

in all this time, he offered me a load of wood for my fireplace one year. i went up and we loaded it and i brought it home.

this year we decided to exchange Christmas gifts for the first time. we talked about it and teased each other about the gifts. i'm poor and i had to really scrimp to buy his. but it's what is in the heart, not the box....he came by the house on Wednesday, before Christmas, picked up his gift and i didn't hear from him until the next week. i was so hurt that i could hardly talk on the phone. i spent Christmas day alone and did not hear a word from him.

the point of my telling you what i've given him is that everything i gave him, was from my heart and i always felt that we shared so much and meant so much to each other and it made me feel really good to give him things that i had treasured for years and years.

my daughter wants me to talk to him and tell him how hurt i am about not even receiving a card, gift or a call. well, i can't. i'll cry. and that's all i'll do. she explained that some people can't give. they can receive, but they can't give. he has called me twice recently but i haven't returned the calls. i'm crushed.

i don't know what to do. it has depressed me beyond belief. he was my main link to everything that a friend could be to me. and i thought i was to him. i feel like an idiot, a loser and just plain stupid and really, really hurt. i held him to such a high standard, in my heart, and now i don't know how to handle this.

i need help. xoxoxo pat