You definitely have to put yourself first. Like crzyladee said, you cannot control how others live their lives or how they react or feel. You are not responsible for your brother. Would your husband be the heavy and explain to your brother that he has to get his things in order within say a couple of weeks, and then that's it he has to leave? This way it takes the pressure off of you and empowers your husband to be in some control of the situation? Hang in there and take care of yourself.