(((((((googley)))))) i know i am new to this site but i couldnt not reply. i understand those urges all to well and can be quite overwhelming. im so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. i hope you can find a way to resist but if you cant please dont beat yourself up or put yourself down just come here and let us show you some love and support and understanding. sending well wishes and positive vibes your way my new friend (i hope that is ok to say) good luck to you on your healing journey