(((((((lavalamp)))))) i can hear the frustration and pain in your post and its pricking at my heart. i understand all to well PTSD i have it due to intense sexual, physical, emotional, and religious abuse. what you descride definitely sounds like PTSD i agree with open eyes. im new to this site and still feeling my way around. im so sorry you had to go thru what you went thru. i wish you all the best on your healing journey and know that you are not alone others understand and care do your best to take care of yourself and be gentle with your feelings and yourself