thanks, tree. I don't know what I'm most afraid of. Maybe of the unknown. Maybe of pain/side effects. Feeling worse? What if I die from the meds? I don't feel so bad emotionally, but I'm anxious. I feel like I've done well in therapy and now that I'm doing mindfulness meditation, why is my T suddenly recommending meds? I know she's just suggesting them to me, but it makes me feel like I failed, and SHE, my T saw it. At first she didn't even believe my diagnosis of BPD but now she does. That makes me feel bad, that I thought I was better but apparently my T doesnt' think so, or why would she think I need meds?