I have a very good mother but she is very hard on her self. She is overweight and is just obsessed about it. I get a lot of my traits from my mother. I am like a size 16/18 and I have been since I was a teenager. When I was a young teenager I remember my mom always would tell me that "It doesn't matter how good of a girl you are, no guy will ever want to date a girl that is overweight." I am 30 years old and I am honestly just now realizing this is not true. I think back to my high school years and I had tons of friends. I was always the person everyone liked. I had lots of guy friends. I never played games like the other girls did. I never went to prom because my mom just carried on about how "dress shopping is no fun when you are fat," "It doesn't really matter how nice the dress is because you won't look good," "You can go stag if you want, I noticed other girls have gone stag so you can too." “You don’t have to worry about not finding a date.” She made me feel like I was ugly and no one would want to go with me. I finally told her I didn't have any interest in going and just played it off that way. A lot of my friends kept telling me I should go because it would be fun. I think one of my guy friends even wanted to ask me but I had made it very vocal that i didn't "believe" in prom. One of my guy friends and I became extremely close friends. He went threw a tough time and I tried really hard to be there for him. I had a connection with him like I have never had with anyone else in my life. We then went to college and I moved far away when I got into x-ray school. When I was home on spring break he started to get really touchy feely towards me and I just freaked out. I didn't think guys would like me and I wasn't experienced like he was. He always had girl friends. I then went back to school and he tried emailing me. He said he missed me. I never did email him back because I didn't know what to say. All of sudden every thing changed. The next summer I moved home and he again tried several times to be touchy feely towards me but I was so nervous. I completely blew him off. I had so many feeling for him but I just didn't think I would ever be good enough or pretty enough. I then went back to school and I met someone and I was with that person for 7 years. We broke up about 2 years ago and I then moved back home again. I was pretty upset over the break up. He was the kind of guy that always told you what you wanted to hear but in the end, I realized that he didn't really mean a lot of the things he said or promised. The last thing he ever said to me was that "he was never really that interested." and "Didn't I ever once think that he was just trying to be an asshole so I would just break up with him." I helped him out so much threw the years. I just completely lost myself after that. I second guessed everything I had ever did in my life. I think in my gut I always knew that something wasn't right about him but I was absolutely convinced that no one else would ever want to date me so I just stayed. I never forgot about my high school friend though. I would think about him quite often threw the years. When I moved back the old friend from my high school was still single. He was so excited to see me and I just freaked. Once again I blew him off because I was so nervous. He had just gone threw a break up and looking back now I think he just needed someone to talk too. But so did I, but at the time I thought he wanted more and I just couldn't. I was emotionally exhausted from my previous relationship. One night at the bar he tried to tell me about his ex and I told him that I did't believe in marriage anymore and that you don't even know who you are until you are 30. I really didn't mean that and I don't even know why I said it. I think I hurt his feelings and I felt so bad for saying it. Every time I saw him after that I would get so nervous and have so much anxiety when I was around him. I wanted it so bad and I think he did too. I could tell by the looks on his face or he would just say “I just want a good girl.” He kept trying and finally gave up and started dating another girl. This girl was also my friend but she is kind of a manipulative person. I had asked her several times if she thought he liked me and she would always make me feel like he didn’t. I know realize it was because she wanted him. Since then, they have started dating and I have been told that he really did want to “settle down” with me. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t play games and I hate drama. I would really like to date him. I think we could be great together and I have a lot of heart burn over the whole thing. I am so mad at myself. If I could have just relaxed and been myself I think it could have been good. I am also so mad at my mom. She always puts me down or says things about me not having any good qualities. I am a good person and a professional. I do CT and MRI. I love my mom but, I am to the point that I can’t even stand being around her. What should I do? I am 30 years old and I just feel like this is more of a teenage problem and almost feel stupid for feeling this way. My mom is so overbearing sometimes and in the end, I just want my guy friend to be happy. I don’t think the girl he is dating now is that good. I just don’t know what to do or who to go to for advice. I need help???