This made me cringe a little. I have to be honest. Actually I felt like she took too much control! It scares me that I have to leave my therapist who gives me all reign and that I possibly might be put with a therapist who "challenges" me like this. When I sit dead and alone. I want to be there. If he tries to bring me out of it, I freak out on him. (And yes I have told my therapist to shut the ***** up). Actually I did it today. At first I hated disrespecting him like that. But he knows it's not personal. I only tell him that when he attempts to challenge me and I feel a loss of control over my treatment.

In my opinion I don't think she's NOT pushing you. She's just not pushing you like you want to be pushed. She's pushing you to own your emotions. Tough transition it seems, but if she gave in and victimized you where would that put you?

My therapist gave me his email once and told me "if I needed to express something to him in email to email him." I never went down that long road. Not ever. I've emailed him maybe a total of 2 times and only when I was in Crisis and couldn't bring myself to call the on call phone. I could easily get sucked up in telling him my emotions over a computer screen. That's so easy to do. It's distant and at first, the easiest way. But everyone has to leave it at sometime, and it won't be an easy transition. That's why I never started. Although I've also never been completely able to express much of anything of importance to my therapist either. So shows what I know about starting to use your voice.

This is something I do do with my therapist. I have a part of me who is pretty mute and doesn't talk much, so I will write notes to him and give them to him in person. Could that be a next step to learning to express things? I mean you know she's in the room with you, and you know she will read it RIGHT then, so it's more connected then email. But you don't have to think out your words that you are speaking, which is really anxiety provoking. You can erase, and cross out and it's a step up to being more present. Soon we have decided that I will start to write the notes in front of him, rather then at home. Another step up to being present. And the very last step (breathe) is to say what you're really feeling without writing.

Sure I can curse my therapist out, but don't ask me what's behind it???