((((((Squiggle)))))))

Based on your description of this session, I think it may have been one of the more "productive" sessions. But those are the ones that feel like the worst. When I was in college, I would see that T and spend almost all the time burning mental holes through his head as I crossed my arms and refused to think or feel or talk. He was literally making me come as a condition of staying in college. But I felt that it was a complete waist of time and energy. I did end up learning how to open up to him, but the first emotions were anger - rage. We didn't get far because I graduated, but this past couple of years with my new T have brought me some sessions like what you describe.

There are times in session when the pain is too deep and there are no words to descibe it. My T would hand me that feeling chart and ask me to label my feeling. I would often sit there with my arms crossed as hot tears rolled silently down my cheeks. I held eye contact with him and tried to force the feelings over to him telepathically - because that was the only way I knew how to share them.

My T finally got it and he was like "mmmmmm I understand" ... That made me very curious. He asked some questions and he figured out the reason I was unable to give a name to my emotion and my pain was because it was created when I was an infant. Pre-verbal abuse. All I had was body feelings and anger that had no words or even a concept behind them.

I wanted to share that with you because I sense you have some type of a very early and deep pain that you are starting to access in session. It will take a lot of hard work for you to keep going into that place inside and trying to be with it as you learn how to bring words into that part.