((((((((WePow)))))))))

No. He was honestly just angry at me. We were in two different places -he was wide awake and I was asleep - and had a moment of miscommunication (I guess because I was essentially still sleeping at this point) and that was that. Now he's at work, and I'm here.

People being angry at me is my biggest trigger.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to just call T and say "I'm finding out I still can't do relationships. I need to come back before my world falls apart". Part of me wants to stick it out and see what happens.

It's funny. I *thought* I would go back to therapy because I miss T, but that part of all of this is fine. I'm just scared that all of my old fears bubbling up are going to affect all of the real life relationships that are so important to me. I'm losing ME, getting into this mode where I have to please everyone else and I'm so scared of people being mad, and I'm afraid it's just going to spiral and spiral and spiral and I'm going to make things worse and worse and worse.

Where AM I? Where is the me that is okay with myself? T is expensive. I want to be able to be on my own for a while, but it's not worth the fear of losing my relationships.

And the worst part (?) is that so much of this is in my own head and i KNOW it, but i can't tease out what's just old, triggered stuff and what's real today.

Help.