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Apr 01, 2011, 01:57 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Bless your heart ~ It sounds to me like you've made wonderful progress!!! But I know that's all on the outside -- it doesn't show what you feel on the inside.  I AM so happy that you haven't harmed yourself in 6 months!!  That had to take great strength to NOT do that when everything inside is telling you to DO it. You are winning the battle! Now you've got to win the war. LOL This will take time ~ do you have a therapist?? I would hope so. If not, is there any chance of your seeing one? I think there are some issues that you need to talk to one about.  These thoughts of suicide need to be addressed with a professional.
And I think your boss/manager is full of it. Putting you on nights because it would "put off" customers is BULL. It wouldn't faze me one bit - and chances are good I wouldn't even NOTICE. And does he/she think that people aren't going to DRINK because of it?  That's INSANE. If people come in to drink, they'll drink if the place is on FIRE. lol So that excuse doesn't hold water.  There's got to be more to it than that. I'm not buying that one.
You seem to have a huge will to live and yet you have these suicidal thoughts. I hope and pray that you will talk with a therapist. You are too vital a person to be this miserable. You have your whole life ahead of you ~ and a GREAT life at that.  Please get the help that you deserve. God bless you ~ and take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee
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