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Elysium · Apr 01, 2011, 02:11 PM

Wow....your childhood family sounds a lot like my childhood family.

I've been in T since 2005 and I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD and DID. I understand what you mean about wondering how you go from mature adult to child inside in one phone conversation. I have experienced the same thing.

My perspective on this is that it has a little bit to do with mind control and programming. I look back on my relationships with my parents and I'm not sure how they did it, but they managed to implant what I call buttons, or sensors, within my body and my brain. I don't mean physically....I don't believe they ever placed any objects in my body, but I mean psychologically.

These buttons are a type of mind programming. I believe the soul purpose of these buttons is to sit within our minds and bodies and just wait until we get that next phone call, or letter, or face to face meeting. And then, these buttons/sensors become stimulated and activated by the mere presence of the sound of the person's voice, their writing style, their body language. When they become activated....the old puppet strings form immediate connections and our bodies and emotions begin to respond to the buttons and sensors without us ever being aware that that's really what's taking place.

It's mind control. Not everyone has dysfunctional family that are skilled enough to successfully infiltrate their young with buttons and sensors, but the really sick ones can....and often times it seems that even when I become aware that my buttons and sensors have been stimulated...the more I try to get rid of them, more grow back in their place.

It's gotten to the point where I have decided, as painful as it is, that I cannot, for my own health, associate with my family at this point in time until I can learn how to prevent those buttons from growing back. I have to learn to re-program myself and debunk the old programming. My problem is that the original programming was so messed up that I can't debunk it until I understand how it was put together.

This may sound realllllly weird and not reality based, but it is...totally!! It's the only way I have to make sense of what I am experiencing. The only way to metaphorically make sense of something so........crazy.

Hugs for you!!