Made it through the week, but I'm in pretty bad shape. Supposed to have my daughter this weekend... I never hear from her mother until the last minute. Even if I don't get to have my daughter on these weekends, I'd like for her to at least respond to my texts or phone calls. Instead, I get nothing. So, I spend my Friday nights waiting by the phone. I can't make plans, can't see the few friends I have left, can't start anything meaningful because as soon as I do, I have to go get her as soon as her mother calls. She calls all the shots. I'd go into more details but it would just be rehashing things I've already written better elsewhere here. She wants to punish me for leaving her, even 12 years later.

This is why I feel as though I have no control over anything. Not at work, not at home, not anywhere. I don't even have control over myself. What's the use in trying to hope? What is the use in trying to succeed? I do it for my daughter, not me. She is worth it, I am not. I am only a broken man trying to survive long enough to make sure she is okay. I have no other real purpose anymore.

I wish I was still being hit every day rather than feeling this kind of pain. I could deal with that.