Poor Distressed,

You are caught in a culture clash and I'm afraid there's no great way of compromising between the two. You've obviously adapted to the US and accepted and enjoyed the freedom and independence the US extends to all female people. And then you go "home" and find out you can't be an "American" woman in your home country without paying a high price. I very much doubt that there's a happy resolution to the problem if you have to stay there. Though I'm an American male, I've lived in several other countries, am married to a woman from a very different country and have been friends through a long life with several women (and men) from very different cultures.

There is what one might call the "wisdom" solution. And that means, after you've adjusted to American mores, being able to go back to your first country and pretend you're one of them. Pretend you never left. Accept, for the short time you're there, that you know and accept all the strict rules applying to your gender in that country. You won't like it, but it won't kill you.

Where you will ultimately wind up spending the rest of your life is a huge, huge part of the issue. Having had a long experience of Western countries by being in America, it would be a very difficult thing to re-adjust, for the rest of your life, to your original culture. Isn't there some way for you to come back here?

The best of luck to you. Take care.