dizgirl, I'm sorry this hurts so much.

Just wanted to say that I too have gone through life seeking a woman to be my mother (can really relate to the examples of health care workers and teachers), and for a long time I was consumed with grief that my T couldn't be my mother.

Does your T know how you feel? Does she know about the wishing and the anger towards her daughter and the pain you're in? Could you tell her?