Thank you for your kind words Tree.

I don't know if the other big thing affected session, it could partially be of course. I feel tension and anxiety for all the week.

You are right, I don't have to talk about all this stuff next session, but in the meantime I can't let myself rest ... I felt disconnected from everyone today, I don't know if it was still for yesterday.

The worst thing is that sometimes I "shut" in therapy... but that's something that comes from me. It's the first time ever I sense this kind of distance and coldness from HER.

I'm in a bad place right now. I'm really disappointed by her and by all this. It's like she took away her gentle, caring mask and her real face is just saying, "I don't really care about you, you are just work".

I had to basically contact a person (mail) that could have take me right in one of the situations I fear the most (knowing and being in contact with a lot of new people), that in the meantime is what I absolutely need to experiment more in my situation.

Unfortunately it isn't still evolving (didn't have a response till now), and I know that for somebody who doesn't suffer of social anxiety like I am, it may looks like a really small deal, but just the fact that I made the step of taking initiative about this is a tremendous improvement for me. Cause that's what I need to force myself to do, in order to get out from this colourless hell that my life has turned into: try, try and try again.

Sooner or later something might happen, right ?