Oh, squiggle, it has nothing to do with being on her side, and not on yours! We are on your side, we are supporting you, whether you are happy or angry or sad or confused, we are supporting you!
Like lyib said, if it felt crappy, it felt crappy, it was crappy!
It's just that many of us are seeing that your T is competent and wise.....and when you are angry, when you are the one who had the crappy session, it's hard to see that, and so you are questioning her, questioning why you are in therapy, if it is worth what you're paying. Shoot, you think I didn't wonder why I paid my T to hurt me terribly when she took away the hugs a couple weeks ago.....I could have had a 'friend' hurt me like that for free! I could have chosen not to go back, to question her competence.....well, I did question those things. But I went back, talked to her about my feelings, we had clear communication of our feelings, our expectations.....now the relationship is on much better footing, we are starting to get some really good work done because honest, clear communication has built a stronger foundation. Also because I had the courage to keep going and she had the grace to admit where she was wrong and the wisdom to see how to make it better.....I think this can end up being true in your therapy, your T relationship too....
Anyway, so I was paying T to learn how to keep trusting when hurt, how to strengthen a relationship that was sorely tested, how to communicate hurt feelings in an honest, gracious way.....valuable lessons worth paying for. Now I am paying her to teach me to learn how to lay down my emotional armor and feel my feelings....worth it! Who else is going to take 2 hours and give me undivided attention in those 2 sessions per week to work on something like that, something I desperately need for my mental health........ Who else but T is going to help you feel your feelings, deal with your anger? In facing your anger toward T and finding the reasons why, you are learning valuable lessons. There are valuable lessons for you to learn about you in going through this shutdown feeling time too....
Sorry I got long-winded...... But I AM on your side, wanting you to heal and believing that this T does have what it takes to help you. You ARE doing valuable work right now even if it feels like you aren't!