trigger warning probably not necessary, mention of past sui.

the 2nd anniversary of my last suicide attempt was a couple days ago. It was the day that everything changed for me. Everything. It's amazing to me to look back over the last 2 years from where I am now and see how it all came together. It felt like chaos at the time, but it worked out. Is still working out.

I talked to my T (on the phone) on the anniversary day. I told her I'm glad I'm still here. She told me she is really glad I'm still here, too. She said it three times. She thanked me for sticking around, and I thanked her for sticking with me.

T said that I am an inspiration to her, and she said that isn't something she says often, and that she has never said it to a client before.

Things have been so hard these last 3 months, and last week in particular it felt like everything was going to fall apart, all at once. But I got through it, and things are easier this week. I feel deep down that I will be okay, that I have the ability to right myself when I start to wobble, that I am not in danger of falling all the way back to the bottom of the pit anymore. More importantly, I feel like I can do that without my T. I don't HAVE to do it without her right now, and I'm thankful for that, but for the first time I feel really deep down that if I lost T today I would be ok.