You would have to bring that up! This is something that I sent to my therapist via email a few days before my last session:

Do you know what some of my greatest fears are with you? Some of the worst things you could do to me? (1) reprimand or scold me for being brutally honest with you about everything: the good, the bad, and the really ugly (2) terminate me (3) tell me that you cannot work with me anymore (4) give up on me (5) allow me to give up on myself (6) abandon me (7) reject me (8) ignore my cries for help

Therapy is killing me from the inside out! But, I do not want you to stop pushing me to get there. You are going to make me mad and I may not like you sometimes, but I am not in therapy to have you sugar coat anything. (I think I am a glutton for punishment!)

I do not know if I will be able to bring anything into our next session, so I am sending this to you so that you have an idea of what these questions are doing to me. Can you tell that I DO NOT like them? They make me want to SCREAM!

I bet that makes you smile, doesn't it? Knowing that you are pushing me this hard? Knowing that this is causing such an emotional turmoil for me? Isn't that what the questions and assignments are all about? Making me FEEL things? Does it sound like I am FEELING anything? Anger, fear, sadness, hurt, etc... it makes me FEEL alot of things that I don't like to FEEL. I do not know how to handle all these FEELINGS that are taking over. At times, I don't think I can take this anymore. I want it all to stop!

If I didn't send this stuff to you when I am 'in the moment', or 'going through the emotions', they would pass by the time I made it to our sessions and you would never know what I am struggling with.

I have a FEELING that I will shut down in our session. I have a FEELING that I will sit there like a rock! In case I do that, you know why! I wonder if you could do therapy just one time without using the word FEELINGS!!!
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I am feeling rather stupid right now. I am feeling that you guys are right and I am not liking it that you like HER! I am really angry with HER and I kinda like it. Is that not insane? I like that I am SO mad at her. It feels good. I would like to tell her just how mad I am with HER!! She is making me very angry just sitting there looking at me!!

I may send her an email in a few days once I calm down. I would like to tell her how mad and angry I am with her. I think this is something she needs to know before I go into our next session. Did I say 'next session'?? You have go to be kidding me!!! I am actually going to put myself through this again??

I know, you guys are thinking, "YAY! Squiggle. You are doing such a good job expressing your feelings!" To that I would like to say, "SHUT UP!"

But I am not going to do that because deep down I am seeing that what you are telling me is the truth!!! Just let me be mad a little longer, okay?? Like I said, in a strange way, it feels great to be this mad and angry with her. I am going to embrace this anger while I can.

I think I am nuts! I am actually smiling while writing this. It makes me feel good!! What is up with that???