I registered at an online dating web site recently and filled out a profile. I described the person that I used to be in between bouts of depression, rather than who I am in my life now. I'm realizing that it's dishonest. It makes me sad that the profiles that the web site robot matches me with are all bright, educated, creative, interesting, active, humorous, "normal" men. I doubt very much that they would be interested in a very depressed, very anxious woman living on SSDI in a disheveled little house.

I haven't dated or been in a relationship in many years, and it seems that it is still out of reach.

I also have been trying to prepare for leading a craft workshop and every time I sit down to experiment with the materials, I get so rattled and paralyzed. I'm worried about pulling it together for this teaching commitment next month. It's so disturbing to see what's become of me. Depression, anxiety, and ADD post-menopause is not a pretty picture.

I'm just venting here. No need to respond. I just need to get some of this pain out of my system a little. I'm still in therapy. My Pdoc prescribed lamictal today. It didn't work in 2006, but nothing has worked. The thinking is that paired with prozac, it helps with treatment-resistent depression. I'm so, so slowed down, and lamictal causes more cognitive fuzzyness. The dating site and trying to make a doll for the workshop is triggering me badly.

I'm sorry that I haven't been very active, sociable, and supportive of others around PC these days. It concerns me, as I've already received so much love and kindness from folks here, and I'm so grateful.