I've read the order so many times over the last eight years. It's being violated and has been since day one. I fear getting the court involved would only make my daughter's life worse. My daughter is of age to decide who she lives with. She told me that she wanted to be with her mom because she was worried about hurting and leaving her mother alone. Her mother demands total loyalty to prove love, I do not. My daughter knows I won't think less of her for choosing to stay, but she has no such assurances with her mother.

You are right that my ex shouldn't be getting away with this. I could write page after page of terrible things she's told my daughter, horrid priorities and selfish acts. But, that wouldn't accomplish much. I feel like I have to focus on the things I can change in life rather than the things I can't, as hard as that has proven to be.

I'm willing to admit this may be a cop-out; I don't know anymore. But I do know I can't take on another fight, I just don't have it within me. Maybe that makes me just as selfish as her mother, but not knowing my own limits is how I have come to the place I am now. It's hard to shake the feeling that if I cause more complications I will not be able to handle it. I am already straining to stay functional.