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I am sorry you are feeling so badly. We are all in the same boat, in the sense that we all struggle through life with our own pain. Those of us with chronic depression or BPD seem to struggle more than most folks.
There are things that can help you to feel better, at least some of the time. Nothing seems to be available that will make the struggle end, at least I have not found it.
Someone on Psych Central a few months ago told another member that we are very brave, because we keep fighting. I did not see tht then & I questioned that thought. After some explanation, I was able to see that, in a way, the point is valid. We are brave. And strong.
We are brave enough to keep trying to find a way to live our lives & acconplish what we can, despite our pain, despite our illness. Somedays, the pain overwhelms us, but we do have days where we are able to push through that pain and do something good, either for oursleves or someone else.
We have to be strong to be this persistent, to endure this disease of depression that threatens to take away our motivation to live, love and participate in our life.
Living this kind of life, anxiety is to be expected. Never knowing if today is going to be a good day, or a day that whips our butt, is very unsettling.
Being around other people can be especially challenging for some of us, myself included. Most of my pain comes from being involved with other people. Even people who are supposed to love you can hurt you. Sometimes that pain is totally unintentional, but that does not make it hurt less. At any rate, I have found that it is more comfortable for me to withdraw from people than to engage them.
Now that I am alone, I am still depressed, anxious & cry often. But, I do not have as many problems day to day as I once had. I have less chaos in my mind & I am learning new skills to deal with the depression. Through therapy, research & pharmacology I am learning new ways of thinking & new ways of acting.
It does help some. These things can help you too. You just have to persist in your fight against this disease. Use the strength & bravery that you already have to keep going until you find the techniques that work for you.
It will get better. It does take time, but you won't always feel bad.
One of the most comforting thoughts I use is that emotions are not permanent. They are more like the waves on an ocea. One comes in & then goes out. Of course, there are always emotions that we wish wold nevern come. But it comforts me to know that even the most painful of them will not last forever. Hope this helps some.
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