BRAVO !!!! What an A W E S O M E e-mail homework to your T !!!!!!!
You know, you just make me like you more and more with each post!

Allowing yourself to BE in the emotion is what this stage is all about for you.
All the stuffing it down can kill you (literally). I have a brother who is a year younger than me. We were both raised in the same home - where physical and emotional violence was the "norm" growing up. I tended to deal with it through dissociation. My youngest brother was totally a rebel and fought back. But this brother was different.

Every time something bad happened, he either laughed it off with a joke, or he fixed himself a sandwich. Everyone who knows him says he is one of the nicest people they ever met. Growing up, I watched how he would hurt as much as I hurt or our other brother, but instead of being able to express his feeling and his anger, he ate and stuffed it away deep inside.

When I look at him now (a VERY heavy man), I see his pain in his eyes and I see that pain hiding behind his smile. Sure, he is a wonderful human and full of love for others, but it hurts me knowing he has so much very rightful anger that he is terrified to have surface. In his case, he is afraid that showing anger will result in him loosing his temper and acting out in the way our father acted out. He is so tender with others that he will do anything to avoid that emotion of anger. Sadly, he is not as far along the path to healing as you are, and I am afraid for his health due to the weight issue.

So that is why I really am interested in being here for you and encouraging you to face what you are facing right now. You have no idea how wonderful it is for me to watch you be able to express yourself with such clarity and honest (yes, if we were in person and you could see my face right now, you would see tears tugging at the corners of my eyes). You are doing the right thing for yourself and that is so wonderful.