Oh THANK you ALL!
The time you took to explain this to me means more than you know!
I've become so 'inverted' and shut off from everything and everyone that have been important to me. I've become an empty 'shell' with a pulse.....and that's about it.

You have done a wonderful thing in helping to make this more clear to me....and I can see that I have a long way to go yet....but this is obviously the place to be for support!
You all are absolutely fantastic!

Perhaps this lady I will be going to will be similar to Nannypat's.....because she has put us down for 10 'sessions'.....
This next visit will certainly say alot I guess.

To let you know a little more about myself and why I've come here....
Chronic pain is the main issue.....and it's literally robbed me of my 40's! ....and where did I read that our 40's is supposed to be the 'prime' of our life!

I am at a point of having to give up a job I've loved for the past 25 years.
My husband and I have absolutely NO intimacy!
I feel exactly like what my screen name is....... I'm 'Fading' away...... My life is coming to an end. I don't foresee a future for me.
This is NOT normal for a 47 yr old! I don't have a terminal illness, so I shouldn't be constantly giving in to the thought that my life is over....mostly because I'm just too tired to keep fighting on. It's not worth it to me......the pain is a battle that has gained an upper hand, despite having a wonderful pain doc and have good pain meds on hand.
Don't want to face continuing into further physical and mental decline.

I guess I've had suicide 'ideation', but haven't attempted anything. Tho I have 'fantasized' about hiring a 'hitman' to 'off me' ......just being honest. Figured if it wasn't 'suicide' per se, then my family could collect from my life insurance policy.

Such a sad unfortunate story is this, I know. I used to be very active in church and helping in youth music ministry. I had so much going for me.
I've tried continuing to fight this battle for the sake of my family....but at this point, my kids are pretty much grown and I feel that I'm just bringing them down. I carry extreem guilt with me because of how much I've contributed to the already declining healthcare system with my medical needs. I see that my family would be able to carry on just fine without me (not trying to sing a sad song here......it's just the reality of what I perceive). Sure, they'd be sad to lose me....but in a way....they already have.

I know that YOU know that I'm not looking for pity. None of us here are.
Thank you for welcoming me in and recognizing that I'm a lost soul here and that this is all so new to me, but I truly want to reach out for help and get to a better place in life....a place where I can perhaps be helping others a bit more.
Thank you also for helping me to 'fit in'.....you've opened your arms to me and I am forever grateful

Fading