Well I think my "rupture" has been repaired. I want to thank everyone here to helped me identify it, since I've never had experience with that kind of thing. It was so heart-warming to get that support during once of the worst times I've had in therapy. Thank you all

I had my session yesterday and I was soooo nervous. I was worried about him being mad at me, dropping me, but most of all I was worried about not having the courage to tell him how mad I was at him. I needed him to know how angry and disappointed I was at him for emotionally neglecting me last week.

The first thing I said was "I was really mad at you after last week's session". He nodded and I started to analyze it by saying I was annoyed, then he stopped me and said "stop, don't anaylize or identify it, you are mad me and I want us to sit with that". So we did and it felt really good. He was so estatic about me telling him that so calmly and confidently. He thought it was huge progess and growth. He has been trying to get me to admit when I'm mad at him, but I won't because I'm afraid that would make him mad.

We talked a lot about the reasons I was mad and how he made me feel. I explained how abandoned and alone I felt. It made me spiral very fast and I stayed there for quite a few days. I thought I was too overwhelming for him and he was done trying to help me. He said he experienced something different. He said that sometimes when I come in and sit down I don't look at him and wait for him to begin, then get annoyed that he doesn't have an agenda (which is true). He said he cannot do that, it is my process and it isn't his place to "fix it". We talked about my instinct to run away and never see him again, and he said that is perfect example of my anxiety when people cannot give me what I need right away. He told me that he cares about me and wants to hear what is going on in my life, and it would hurt him if I left because I wasn't comfortable approaching him about how he made me feel. He said "I won't say I will never get annoyed, but I promise you that I won't ever treat you as badly as you treat yourself. I'll never be mad at you for telling me how you feel about our relationship or something I did. I ALWAYS want you to talk to me and I don't EVER want you to be scared." He said that sometimes relationships and especially therapy needs a reassessment or recalibration just to make sure we are on the same page together.

So as great as it was to talk it through and process what happened, I stll feel a little gap and loss of connection. It scares me because TRUST is one of my biggest issues and it took me so long for T to gain it and I'm a bit afraid it's going to take me a while to get it back. I was wondering that for anyone who has had a rupture or loss of connection of any sort, how do you work through it and how long does it take to feel "normal" again?