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Apr 02, 2011, 09:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
BRAVO !!!! What an A W E S O M E e-mail homework to your T !!!!!!!
You know, you just make me like you more and more with each post! 
Allowing yourself to BE in the emotion is what this stage is all about for you. I am so glad that someone likes me. So often I feel that I say too much in here. But when I look at the views and the responses, for the most part they are positive. Maybe I am not that bad of a person afterall?
So that is why I really am interested in being here for you and encouraging you to face what you are facing right now. You have no idea how wonderful it is for me to watch you be able to express yourself with such clarity and honest (yes, if we were in person and you could see my face right now, you would see tears tugging at the corners of my eyes). You are doing the right thing for yourself and that is so wonderful. |
This is hard to believe, but I am not one who really puts my feelings and thoughts 'out there'. At least not in real life. I worry all the time that I will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, make some one mad, offend someone, etc.... I get way too involved worrying about what others are going to think or how they are going to view me.
I have not always 'stuffed' my emotions. I was a very active person that went to the gym on a regular basis. Once my husband became ill and I was to become his full time caregiver, this is when I started eating my emotions. I ate my way to being 100 pounds overweight.
I actually had one of my students ask if I was pregnant with triplets! I had to laugh, but it did make me face reality that I am out of control. I am so ashamed of myself for what I have done.
Here come the tears! I cannot help but cry at the site of myself and what I have become. What you see on here and the venting that I may do, is good for me. It is not intended to hurt or offend anyone. I hope that I am not doing that.
This is my way of letting go of the hurt and getting in touch with my FEELINGS. My raw, brutal, honest feelings. It is said that being overweight is not about what you are eating, but what is eating you. I have been on all the diet roller coasters. Lost and gained the same 50 pounds 4 times in the past 10 years.
Until I get to the core of my hurt and pain, and learn how to deal with it, I will never be successful in weight loss. I am hurting a lot right now. I am a very sad and lonely person in real life. No, others would not see that in me. They see a very successful woman who carries herself well, takes pride in how she dresses, and is a strong woman who is able to work outside the home as well as be a full time caregiver to her husband.
If they only saw me after dark. When I am alone. I am not okay and that is why I am in therapy. I don't like it. She makes me mad sometimes. But I know that in the long run, I will be glad that I did this.
Thank you for supporting me and your words of encouragment. It makes me cry, but it is a good cry.
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