Honestly, the T relationship is one of the weirdest relationships around. Maybe THE weirdest.

I second what Ellie says about the connection. T has a family and friends....and so do I...but when it is the two of us, in that room, the connection between us is what's important. I know T isn't thinking about those other people when he is with me, and I know he's not thinking about his other clients. He is thinking about me, and connecting with me. I am learning how to connect, how to be vulnerable, how to let someone in, and I am learning what it feels like to be SAFE.

For a long time, I thought I could never ever ever live without T. For years, he was arguably the most important person in my life. Which sounds awful, because I have a husband, and I have friends (and children, but I put them in a different category). But he was. I needed so badly to be heard and believed and to heal, and T was there giving all of that (and more) to me.

It doesn't feel like that forever, though. Or at least in my experience, it hasn't. I am taking a break from T, and I am OKAY. I miss him, but not desperately. I will ALWAYS love him and I will ALWAYS know he was one of the most important people that I've had in my life...AND I will be okay without him someday. I am sure of that.

I did NOT always feel this way...not even close. I couldn't even imagine getting to this point, but here I am. And it feels good, not bad.

For me, letting myself fully connect with T...with all of the vulnerability and confusion and good feelings and bad feelings and fulfillment and longing that comes with it...was probably the most healing thing I could have done.

I used to wish that I had met T under different circumstances, because he is awesome, and I WOULD love to hang out with him...and then I realized that maybe, this is what was meant to be. Maybe I was meant to have this person that I love so much come into my life AS MY THERAPIST. Maybe if we were friends, I would have found a different T, and my journey would have been different than the one I am one...and I really wouldn't trade the one I am on for anything.

The relationship can be hard to wrap my brain around. But when I can let that go, and just allow it to be what it is, it can be a wonderful thing.