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Originally Posted by Suratji
Ever since starting therapy I have struggled with the whole 'self-indulgent' aspect of it. One thing that has come out about me is my attraction to being a good selfless person. My model is the image that Mother Teresa portrays - always selfless and giving.
And that's how I've tried to live my life but I'm learning that I'm not selfless and giving - that actually I have my own needs that I've neglected.
But, the thing is, I don't want to have my own needs. I want everyone else to have their needs met and I can be the giver, not the taker.
It's such a difficult idea to wrap my mind around - that I deserve having my needs met too. I don't even want to acknowledge that I have needs. So it feels very very bad to spend all that time talking about myself (but I do it very well, you know)
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This, I think this is what we all sensed in your post and why we all felt the need to defend you.
You aren't actually a narcissist. You want to be selfless and giving, that's the kind of person you want to be and have tried to be. Now you are enjoying being heard in therapy. Sure, it's a little self-indulgent, but it's also helpful. Like getting a massage when you have back pain. And you feel guilty for that. But why? I wouldn't feel guilty for getting a massage if my back hurt.
I think we all have gone through that feeling of guilt and probably still feel shreds of that ourselves in therapy. No matter what our issues are, therapy
does feel good sometimes in that self-indulgent way and thereby induces guilt in those of us with certain issues. Which is why we all smelled a rat in your post and pounced on it.
And this:
Quote:
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It's such a difficult idea to wrap my mind around - that I deserve having my needs met too. I don't even want to acknowledge that I have needs
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This is a good topic for therapy.