I'm glad that you seem to be taking an objective point of view and are able to see both sides of the story.

I think if you have a sit down talk with your mom, maybe go out to dinner just the two of you, she would appreciate you being mature about the whole situation. However, I would advise that you try to have her explain it and not go in there saying things like "I know you don't like her but I don't care" or saying that she is possessive etc...

If you go into the situation with the tone of "I'm concerned about your feelings and want to respect them, but I also need to make myself happy" she will be more receptive. I do understand that she is protective, having you at 18. My sister had my niece at 18 and my niece is now turning 17 this year. And she is very much over protective of her. I have explained to her that she has to be able to trust her because invading privacy or treating her like a child when she's about to go off to college is the easiest way to lose your child.

That's good that you got a job. Hopefully soon you can get out on your own and get a better sense of independence. I know you care about her opinion, you do have to set some boundaries for yourself.

Some advice - don't do what I did. I was so fed up with my dad that, while he was at work, I came and got all my stuff and moved out lol. Then I went out and bought my own car and dropped the old one that my dad had bought off at his house. It involved a lot of lying and anger to the point where my sister threatened to not even come to my high school graduation :-/

Better to be straight and to the point. Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to.