Thank you to everyone who replied. You are all so kind and compassionate. I've always believed that everyone else looks great, and feels confident, has great friends, lovely homes, while I don't fit in anywhere. This has been going on my entire life. I'm trying to find acceptance for what I can't change, trying to change what I can. It's SO hard for me to let others know the parts of myself and my life that cause me shame and embarrassment. My impulse is to withdraw and hide. Yet, there's a healthy impulse as well that seeks connection. It's such a push/pull. Thanks again for your wonderful supportive comments.