Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggle328
My therapist normally checks emails on Sunday mornings. She will send me a quick response with something like, "Read your emails. I am not upset. Everything is okay. I will send you a more detailed response later today when I have more time." 
I haven't heard anything yet. Part of me is like, "Thank God! She hasn't read them yet!" The other part is saying, "She is mad at you. She never wants to see you again. You did it now! You ruined it all" 
I know that she is not going to say what the 'other part' is thinking, so I need to stop letting that worry me. It is so strange that I want so bad to hear from her, yet everytime I check my inbox, I am thinking, "I hope there's not a message from her!" 
My heart is racing and I am panicking. I want her to reply, but then I don't. I know she will. It is just a matter of time. It depends on how busy she is. |
I completely understand the ambivalence about wanting to hear from her. You laid a lot out there in that email. You were very brave and very honest with your feelings.
Regardless of outcome I think that is always the right thing to do with your therapist. Always.
IMO it may take awhile for her to process that and compose a fitting response. I suspect this one may require more from her than a "more later" thing. Of course, I don't know.
It's hard to sit with anxiety and ambivalence. Panic is especially hard to wrangle down into a manageable thing.
Try to tell yourself that you are okay and whatever lurks on the other end of that email chain is okay too. It's just okay.