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i believe the answer to your delimma is would you rather stay addicted or would you rather choose to "find" yourself and live life to the fullest?
in early sobriety i thought much like you. the meetings made me want to drink so on the way home i'd buy some booze. i thought "i am doomed" cause i can't even get the help i need by going to meetings! acceptance was the key for me. do you "accept" the fact you are addicted or do you just "admit" you are addicted?
in order to change, i had to change. take responsibility for my life. "pick the road less traveled."...and that road is full of joy, hope and freedom from the chains of alcoholism.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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