Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
I completely understand the ambivalence about wanting to hear from her. You laid a lot out there in that email. You were very brave and very honest with your feelings. I took a risk in doing that. But it was the assignment she gave me. To explore why I was mad at her.
Regardless of outcome I think that is always the right thing to do with your therapist. Always. I know her. She will tell me how proud she is that I was honest with my emotions.
IMO it may take awhile for her to process that and compose a fitting response. I suspect this one may require more from her than a "more later" thing. Of course, I don't know. You are right. I actually sent her 3 emails in 24 hours. So she does have a lot to process. She is not one to just say anything off the top of her head. Like I said, she will send me a short message to let me know she got them. She often says, "I am sending this quick email to ease your anxiety. You have done nothing wrong. You are showing great progress. Look for another email. I will give you more feedback."
It's hard to sit with anxiety and ambivalence. Panic is especially hard to wrangle down into a manageable thing.
Try to tell yourself that you are okay and whatever lurks on the other end of that email chain is okay too. It's just okay.
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Thanks for your support. I am trying to work on what she is teaching me about not letting myself go to 'negative thoughts'. I have no real reason to think that she will be upset or reprimand me for anything I sent to her. She never has, so why should I worry about it? That's the point, I shouldn't be worried at all. But I am!
Pouring your emotions and feelings out to someone is not easy to do. Believe it or not, this is very new to me. I know I may not sound like it on PC, but I rarely ever let anyone see things I write/wrote about my feelings. I guess that is why I am in therapy! I stuffed feelings away most of my life and they have come back to haunt me.
She pushes me pretty hard to get my feelings out. She knows that writing is how I do that. Of course, we do talk face to face about them, but she is encourages me to write/journal as well.