Dec. 17th 2004 I was working at a kennel and living in a boarding house...actually it was in the basement. Living with me was a crazy cat named Jack...or Jacco as I came to call him affectionately...I had just finished working on my computer and was almost asleep when a pounding came upon my door and then terrible scream to get out that there was a fire...
I grabbed Jacco and foolishly headed up the basement stairs. Without thinking I threw open the door and was hit by the thickest cloud of smoke I have ever saw in my life...I slammed the door shut and headed back down the stairs to the only other exit out of the place...a small window in my kitchen.
The guy who lived with his son on the third floor took Jack and I was able to slip out the window...I took Jack and put him in my car...and headed back around to the front of the house...the woman who lived on the main floor was running around hysterically screaming that her kids were inside...I didn't hesitate I ran to the front door because the main blaze was in the back of the house...the door was locked so I kicked it in and headed for the the woman's apartment...the smoke was unbelieveable I crawled on my stomach through the front room and came to the kitchen...off the kitchen was the kids bedroom but the door was closed I could hear them screaming...I reached up to turn the door knob but it was either locked or jammed so I stood up and kicked the door open and found them hidding in a closet...
I grabbed a blanket and scooped up two of them and raced for the door...I got them outside and handed them over to someone and was about to go back when someone grabbed me and said it was too late...I pushed them away and went back in the scene was so unreal...the pictures on the walls were literally melting in place...I crouched and headed back toward the kitchen and the bedroom, the smoke was thick and black and I made the mistake of trying to take a breath the heat in my lungs was incredible...I got to the bedroom and was just going to wrap another blanket around the other child when someone grabbed my arm...it was a fireman and he took the child and disappeared then strong arms were dragging me out ...
I sat in the rescue truck watching my life go up in flames...I saw the guy who lived on the third floor and climbed out to talk to him...he told me that the woman's son banged on every door and nobody would help him...he had to go to the corner to phone for the fire department...I thought so much for neighborly kindness...
the woman came over and hugged me and we cried until she had to be sedated and taken to the hospital...her kids were fine...minor bruises...and some smoke inhalation, but they'd recover...
I remembered Jack was still in my car so I drove him to my sisters and that's where I broke down and passed out...
I came to the next morning in the hospital...
I've lived out of a backpack and with family members ever since...it was a couple of months later when I started to lose control...and the dreams and memories of my childhood just came flooding to the surface... they wanted to give me an award for bravery but I didn't go I couldn't go...I did what anyone else would have done...
anyway one night at work I just broke down crying and couldn't stop...I left and never went back...
I'm not a hero...heros don't cry themselves to sleep and then wake up screaming...heros don't get numb and shake and hear things or do things that they can't remember doing...I have come to phylosyphize that God gave me the strength to walk away from my family so I could be there that night...I am not a religous fanatic but I believe that everything we do has a purpose and it may take awhile to realize what it is...I guess I have some problems but I don't know maybe it's just that I've done what I was supposed to do and now I should bow out gracefully...if only it were that easy...