Thanks, you guys

I think, in a ridiculously clumsy way, this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

With T, when I had NEEDS (argh! needs!) I got really really good at just coming out and saying "I need X". I knew it was safe. And if I was afraid about what he was thinking of me, I would just ask, and I would trust him to be honest. And now, we have so much trust built in the relationship, that I don't have to ask all the time...I can think "hey, I don't know if T even LIKES me" and I can remember all of the evidence to the contrary and all of the work we've done and (sometimes) pull myself out of the spiral.

With PC, and with my friends, I'm struggling. It's kind of like the same thing I went through with T...but out in the "real world", and I'm not good at figuring out how to manage it. Luckily, my friends are very awesome and open and non-judgmental, and PC is full of people who are going through the same thing, so hopefully, I can get through this clumsy, confused phase without everyone feeling annoyed beyond belief with me.

I want so badly to be connected. And it's just so hard right now. The only thing I can figure out to do is to be honest and keep trying and trust that it will be okay

Last night, when I posted, it was one of those things where there were like 40 views and 1 response and I just went to the bad place in my head. And, unfortunately, the only way I know to get OUT right now is to just put it out there, say what's going on, and hope for the best. You guys are the best

Anyhow. This is hard. Thanks for helping me through it.