I know from experience that no one can say anything that will make this time better for you or take away the pain (My daughter Kateleen died also) But one thing that helps me is to remember the good things about them and there are a lot. This does not take away the pain nothing does that not even time but it does make it easer. An janesgang remember this too will pass. I know it's hard to think of, at a time like this (I really do) but if you did s.i. everyone that loves you (inclucding us here) would suffer the same debilitating pain every year you are suffering now. So even though you don't want to hear it you have to, you can not end it all, everyone needs you so they, can go on. With all my heart I'm sorry for your loss, if I could move the world, I would give back to you what was taken. And that ingnorant man has just added to your pain and fragile heart. You are not hopleless or worthless. You should not feel guilt at thier loss or at his betrail. None of it was your doing sweetheart. I wish I had you here before me right now so you could see how much I want to help you and how sorry I am that I can't. Give yourself permision to grieve but not to die. You deserve life.