I should have mentioned that I have been in therapy for years. I have always struggled with anxiety/depression...and hence when things started spiraling out of control in our marraige,I was quick to take my responsibility.. I go weekly to a terrific person for 4 years now... she helps me keep a perspective... once a week doesnt help me get through the days in between...
I really don't want to leave the house and uproot the kids... my 14 year old has moved 4 times in the past 2.5 years... he finally feels settled and is within walking distance of school and a ton of friends which he has never had... I feel a great pressure to find a way to stay in the house.. husband wont pay anything but child support for his daughter.. .my son is not his... I make more money, so maintenance or help on the mortgage is highly unlikely...
Today is a very bad day.. .he didnt come home from work last night... he called and said he was working overnight.. his girlfriend just so happened to be working overnight too, and he has yet to show up/call anything this morning...
I dont mean to wallow in self pity... I know what i need to do... I have an attorney, I am gearing up to file taxes and claim both children and the interest on the mortgage.. I have no legal right to kick him out of the home.. he would have to come after me or my son... which could happen...and then I can have him removed..
I feel so completely stressed and overwhelmed... how do people survive this? I know millions divorce... separate etc.. .how do they survive... how do people function day to day effectively.. I fell like I am coming apart at the seams.
Yesterday I was referred by my OB to a nutritionist with a DX of anerexia.. I dont think its accurate.. its more a temporary aversion to food from all the stress... but I will go regardless and do what they say....
I continue in therapy...Im trying to accept.... I just feel as thought I am looking up from rock bottom right n ow and looking for some answers as to how to survive..
I know I have to care for my children... I do that well...but if I lose my job due to being useless at work... then what good am I to them?
Ugh...
Thank you for the support.. any suggestions on how to keep moving forward...how others have gone before me...
I am grateful to be here. Please pray I make it through another day.