What if you find a much older T.....one who's female, caring, compassionate, not ugly but not so pretty that it makes you feel lustful or like falling in love or whatever.... Sorry if that sounds like an irreverent comment! It just seems like you're setting some hard conditions to meet in finding a good T....
I never wanted a male T because I had some similar ideas about them, but I did see a male counselor a few months several years ago, and he was gentle, kind, caring and compassionate and spiritual, too. Not aggressive or confrontational. Some female Ts can be that way, too, though...it depends on the individual personality, not the gender, per se!
I have a female T not much older than me, who is caring, compassionate, and very beautiful......I feel more comfortable having a female T than a male one, but the fact she is lovely has played into the deep attachment I feel to her, too, I think. But I am not in love with her......I do love her in a non-romantic way, but because she is compassionate and caring, not because she is beautiful physically.
I hope you can find a T with whom you are comfortable and can be honest about these feelings you have, worries you have about falling in love with your T. Open communication helps so much in dealing with feelings like that, which really are pretty normal in the therapy process.
And yes, please do NOT take out feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment with a T on someone innocent! Find a T instead who can help you with those feelings!