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Originally Posted by treehouse
Protoform, I'm really curious as to what this would look like. It seems like, from reading your posts, you believe that therapists have the ability to control how their clients feel.
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No. But when a client trusts and likes the therapist, the client is in a vulnerable state, and is likely to feel whatever emotion the therapist attempts to elicit in him. Not saying that the attraction was purposely caused, but to say that a person with a PhD in psychology would not possess at least rudimentary knowledge of attraction is absurd. Obviously, the therapist has a lot of psychological power over the client. Why do you think the APA is so adamant in forbidding therapist/client romantic relationships?
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Everyone is so individual...so, perhaps a therapist could be cold and professional and that would discourage strong feelings in one client, but be very enticing to another client. It just depends on the person.
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And? Let the therapist adjust her approach according to the individual. If she can't meet the needs of a particular individual, let her refer him to someone who can. But she should not take him as a client. That's unethical, because she is not fit to treat him.
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I honestly don't see how therapy would work (for me, anyway) if my T was "pretending" to be someone he is not. It's a real relationship, involving two real people.
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It's a real relationship. But it's also a paid relationship. And it's also a relationship that would probably never have flourished outside of the therapist's office.
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My T has told me that it would be too confusing to have to be different people for different clients...he is just himself.
Anyhow, having said all of that, I really am curious as to what you have in mind.
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I wonder why your T told you that? Did you confront him with the same doubts and insecurities?
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Originally Posted by lastyearisblank
You don't like the idea of fixing things through talk, because it's too nonspecific. Can we turn that around? How would you propose that a therapist modulate a client's level of attraction? Through her tone of voice? Her clothing? What you are doing, proposing that your female therapist should have been more aware of herself as an object of desire, is already something our culture already requires.
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Those would have been steps in the right direction, don't you think? But it would have been better if she had never accepted me as a client. Then she could have continued being "herself" and I would have been spared a lot of pain.
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Originally Posted by crazycanbegood
I am sorry to hear about the pain you have experienced from having fallen in love with your therapist. It does seem like Ts should warn us of transference, but then the knowledge of the possibility may interfere with the effectiveness of therapy. So many therapists rely on it, and when they notice it or are informed, they are trained to deal with it.
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If you are right and they rely on transference, that might explain why they do nothing to prevent it. Meanwhile, vulnerable clients like myself go through pain.
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Originally Posted by dizgirl2011
I have to agree with Treehouse here. Would a Therapist have to be cold, rude, unattractive, uncaring, dismissive etc in order that they try to ensure clients don't like them?
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Depending on the client, a neutral attitude would suffice.
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I honestly feel for you and your pain and I think once you get to a point were you dont feel just as angry anymore you will be able to take on board the rational side of the argument because at the moment it seems your finding it difficult to see another point of view except the one you have which is driven by pain and anger, not logic and reasoning.
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I find nothing illogical about my argument. Most men like attractive women. Lay people know it. Psychologists know it. Psychologists probably understand it a lot better than lay people do. So why should a psychologist stand back and watch people like me endure pain? I wish my previous therapist had been upfront about this danger and asked me if I wanted to start treatment with her or another therapist. If I had known what I was getting myself into I would have found another therapist. Who knows, maybe the therapy would have been successful and by now I would have made something out of my miserable existence.