I just e-mailed T. Usually when I miss him, I get up and do something else and the feeling passes, but the feeling just got too big, and I e-mailed. Like I told him in the e-mail, if the need for him gets too overwhelming, I'll just go back. He's on vacation after Wednesday, and my guess is that after he replies to this e-mail, I'll be okay for a little while.

I think knowing it was my session day, and knowing that we could have talked on the phone today just all started to feel...too big. So. I sent the e-mail, and I'm off to start my busy day. I don't have time to get lost in the feelings (thankfully ), so I just won't.

Hi T,

I promise I'm not going to start e-mailing a whole bunch and asking for replies...or, I promise that if I DO, I'll actually just come back to therapy and pay you!

But. I think I feel a little sad today because it's Monday and I would normally see you. And I'm pretty sure that even though it hasn't been very long, this is the longest I've gone without seeing you....ever? And definitely the longest I've gone without leaving voice mails/sending e-mails. So. I think I just FEEL that today.

Anyhow, I don't know why I want to tell you this, but I do. I just want to tell you that I am working REALLY hard right now. It's a good thing, and I'm surprised at the things that have come up and that I'm able to find the tools in myself to either deal with them or to forgive myself for not quite knowing what to do with them. It's actually more work than being in therapy at this point...but it feels right and good. Hard, and right, and good.

Anyhow, I miss you a lot, I'm working really hard, things are different than I expected them to be, and I'm really really okay. AND I can't wait to come back in a few weeks (or more, or less) to tell you all about it.

Will you please reply?

Did I already say I miss you a lot today??

Tree