Pat, I can SOOOOOOOO relate to this! I have gotten myself into similar situations lately, including here at PC. Spent lots of time in therapy as a result.

The fact is, though, that it probably WILL happen again. It's dangerous thinking to put that expectation on him/your relationship. I think you're better off understanding that it doesn't have anything to do with his feelings for you or lack of appreciation on his part, but rather that it's just the way he is. By saying "what if i do talk to him and down the line, this happens again", that means that you're expecting HIM to change, when in fact, the hurt is within yourself because of the expectation.

I went through a similar issue earlier this year with my mother-in-law. I did a LOT for her in the past year and a half, and she seemingly dismissed my efforts and feelings. My T's advice was to:
- start helping organizations instead of individuals (ie, volunteer work). This is a short-term step so that I don't dig myself any deeper into the expectation hole.
- before helping other people with acts that others would consider generous (because it often doesn't feel "generous" to us, but rather just what a friend would do), I need to ask myself "what am I hoping will happen as a result of me doing this", in terms of my relationship with the other person. In my MIL's case, I think that by doing as much for her as I did, I was subconsciously hoping I would develop a mother-daughter relationship with her. When it didn't happen and she moved to Florida without a thank-you or apology (or reimbursement), I was crushed. I now realize that even though I felt like I was giving from the bottom of my heart without any desire for payback, there really WAS an expectation that she would acknowledge it and give me something back emotionally.

Do you think any of this can be applied to your situation with Dale?