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Originally Posted by Elysium
Well, what I can say is that pain is relative to each person. No T, or client is going to know going into therapy how much distress the therapy is going to cause.
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But T's should be able to predict these things. That's why they have degrees in psychology. I, on the other hand, didn't even know about transference when I went to therapy
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More often than not, when a person enters therapy and begins to work their issues, the pain increases as hurtful things get brought to the surface.
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This is not what I went to therapy for.
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Transference does not equal "falling in love" with a therapist. I am curious to know though, in what ways do you feel that your therapist has lead you into a painful trap? What sort of behaviors did she take part in?
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She was physically attractive and she was very nice to me. And I am not gay, so obviously I was going to feel attracted to her. And I doubt she didn't suspect this was going to happen. Even women without degrees in psychology, even uneducated women would have been able to predict this outcome.
Maybe the therapist figured "well, it's impossible for me to make this guy fall for me", but if he does end up falling for me, the therapy might be more successful.
Maybe that's what she thought? Who knows? Can you read her mind? I can't.
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As far as you being vulnerable, we are all vulnerable...even therapists are vulnerable. You are stating that your T made you feel love for her and you sound angry.
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I never said that my T made me feel love for her. That might be the impression that you got after reading my messages, but if you read my messages again you might notice that my complaint centers around the fact that the T was careless and irresponsible in the way she handled me.
As for the anger, why is it of more concern to you than the pain I experienced when I was in therapy? Is it because my pain is of no concern to you? I don't blame you for not caring about my pain (why should you care?), but at least be frank about it.
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Love is painful. It's not all rainbows and butterfly's.....it can't be. There will always be strife and sorrow in love.
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I don't care. I did not go to therapy because I wanted to feel love.
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The important thing to learn is how to communicate through this strife and sorrow to preserve the relationship. It is okay to be angry for your pain, but at some point you need to realize that your pain is not your T's fault. It is a natural feeling to feel these types of emotions towards someone who treats you with positive regard and looks after your best interests.
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If it's a natural feeling then it's nearly impossible for the T to not have foreseen it. Do you really want me to think that my T was that stupid?
Besides, I don't want the positive regard of a person whose job consists of giving positive regard to clients. If I am going to receive positive regard, I want that positive regard from a person who likes me for who I am, not because that's what their job entails or because they have a messianic complex and indiscriminately give positive regard to everyone.
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Anger is often a secondary emotion which serves to protect humans from their own vulnerabilities...so instead of having to feel the love, and the hurt from not being able to have that love, the anger kicks in so you can have someone to blame.
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I would have been spared this pain if I had never gone to therapy.
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You can research this all you want....and you can contact an attorney and consult with them, but as a non-attorney I can pretty much tell you that you do not have a case.
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I know I don't have a case. I went to therapy, I got hurt, there is nothing I can do about it. Obviously I feel angry.
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Transference is a common occurrence in therapy.
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Why was I not warned about it?
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It can be very healthy for the therapeutic relationship if the client is willing to work through it with the therapist, or it can be a devastating occurrence if the client is not willing to work through it.
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Which is why therapists should be upfront and warn clients about these dangers. I didn't go to therapy because I wanted to work through transference. I wanted to work on the issues that brought me to therapy.
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So, I guess it's your choice as to how you want it to go. You can choose to work with T, or whichever T you end up with and you can do what you can to process your feelings and emotions so you can have a more positive experience, or you can choose to not work through it and become a victim of yourself.
It's up to you....it really is a choice.
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I choose not to employ the services of a therapist ever again. I don't even want to be the acquaintance of a therapist.