No problem here in fact this is exactly why I no longer follow through and no longer even attempt suicide.

One evening one of my past therapists sat with me in her car and told me in no uncertain terms what losing me would mean to her .

Top that off a friend had died of suicide and her mother one of my best friends cared so much for me that she laid it all on the line and flat out reminded me of What we all went through and still go through because of Dorene's suicide (her daughter and a friend of mine and a member of a support group we were all in). And then she reminded me how selfish the act of suicide was - a person who is suicidal isn't thinking about other people. They are thinking about what the easiest way out of dealing with their problems, the person who made them angry and the people they want to punish or get back at. Those that succeed don't tell anyone they are suicidal they plan it out and make their attempt when they know no one is going to be around to save them. They don't want to hear from anyone or do anything to help others or themselves. She then told me that most people think suicide it the hardest decision to make but its actually the easiest and most cowardious way. And people think that if they die others will regret how they didn't help them or how they treated them but the one lasting feeling a person left behind has for the person that committed suicide is anger. Anger at the person for not caring, anger for them leaving, anger at them for making them go through the funeral and bills to match that funeral that takes years to pay off She said "it takes but a few seconds to swollow those pills, tie that knot on the sheets, and step off the chair, tub whatever but it takes someone with courage and caring to meet the challenges head on and do whatever they need to do to take care of that problem so that they can come out the other side on top and be there for their friends and family. And then she asked me if I wanted my life to mean nothing but the fact that I killed myself and Did I want to leave my son a legacy of anger and guilt of why he wan't good enough for me to love enough to be here when he came home. Then she sent me the following paragraph wrote by Dorene. Dorene wrote this for a friend that had experienced a death and was crashing. I could either let this paragraph die with me or see to it that Dorene's words lived on in me - We've lost Dorene. I'll be damned if she died in vain. Her mother feels the same as does many of the people that Dorene helped over the years of her short life.........

Strength.. Something of the human soal that you're never born with. It is gradually molded and shaped over time and with experiences it grows. There are two different kinds of strength - the physical and the mental. The latter of the two will outlast the physical kind any day. Strength shows up when you least expect it, but always when you need it. The strong know that it is not a sign of weakness to cry or lean on someone, but instead is the sign of courage. The great thing about strength is that once you have it, it stays with you forever, flourishing itself into a life of its own Be strong and brave. With all your sarrow, remember there is a tomorrow. The sun will rise again.

love always and forever
Dorene

Dorene Boynton
December 31, 1978 - June 16, 2001

Her words will live on hopefully doing what she was doing in her short life - helping others to survive.